Between Origins and the Future—The Long Journey to One's True Self
The early years of Inayat Panah’s life—whom everyone calls Ino—were anything but easy (photo, center). When he was born, his family was already on the run. With six children, his parents fled from Afghanistan to Pakistan, stayed there for a year, and then continued their journey westward. Leipzig was their first stop in Germany, followed shortly thereafter by Wiesbaden. Ino was about a year old at the time and would move several more times before, as a teenager, he made a decision that fundamentally changed his life.
When Home Was No Longer a Safe Place
Looking back, Ino’s childhood was one thing above all else: traumatic. Not only because of the escape and the uncertainty, but also because of the conflicts within the family. Because at some point, Ino knew he was gay. And that there was no place for that in his home. Virtually defenseless, he endured years of abuse until he finally reached his breaking point and turned to child protective services at age 13. This was shortly after he came out at the Wiesbaden Wine Festival among his siblings and friends—the people who matter most to him in life. With just a few belongings he took from home, he was placed in foster care and subsequently moved into a residential group home run by EVIM Youth Services in Klarenthal. His sister followed him down this path shortly thereafter. “It took so much courage to leave my own mother, even though, deep down, I still love her,” he recalls.
A turning point and the chance to find himself
“Looking back, that was the best decision of my life,” he says today, living life to the fullest and feeling liberated. For the first time, he was with peers who, like him, were at the same point in their lives. “I wasn’t alone anymore!” He experienced something like a “surrogate family.” “I felt supported by my caregivers without being held back. For the first time, I was truly loved without having to play a role. Without really having to do anything for it. For the first time, I was allowed to just be who I am,” says the 25-year-old today. And for that, he is infinitely grateful.
Discovering New Worlds
It was at the former Klarenthal shared apartment—now the Im Wellritztal shared apartment—that he found the “anchor” that allowed him to breathe freely again. “I was also supported in my hobbies.” Ino learned to play the violin and took hip-hop and breakdancing classes. At age 15, he was able to visit China and Hong Kong as part of an artistic exchange program. He discovered painting and writing lyrics. Another important experience for him was the participatory meeting organized by EVIM Youth Services, which focused on the topic of “sexuality.” There, he developed a friendship with a young person in the program that remains meaningful to him to this day. A shared circle of friends formed, which encouraged him in his artistic hobbies and celebrated his major successes with him. Last year, Ino performed on various slam stages, including at the Schlachthof in Wiesbaden. At Künstlerhaus 43, he won the competition for the best in this genre. In his lyrics, Ino often addresses topics that have personally shaped him—experiences with racism, mental health, and his own sexuality. This poetry also finds expression on social media: (@inoderdinoo). In addition to all this, Ino graduated at the top of his class from his early childhood education program and currently works at the Campus Kinderhaus.
The Transition to Independent Living Becomes a Challenge
For youth in care, youth welfare services end at an age when their peers can often still live at home for many more years. Ino moved out of his group home at age 19 and continued to receive support through the Outpatient Supportive Housing program. During this transition period, severe depression struck again. He knew he couldn’t go on living like that and had to change his life. “I needed professional support to do that.” Nevertheless, he managed to earn his high school diploma in 2020. “My group home at the time supported me completely. I wanted to prove to myself that I could pass my high school diploma, that I could get this far.” His case manager, Moritz Biesel, and team leader Esther Saul (photo) were—and remain—enormously important to his continued development. They supported him in his decision to begin therapy—right in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic. He was able to work through his traumatic childhood experiences. “This has allowed me to become the person I want to be, and I can embrace both the pain and the beauty in my life.”
Finding Himself and Looking Ahead
Even though Ino, as he puts it, enjoys working as an educator at the children’s center as an “EVIM kid,” he’s looking ahead: In the winter semester, he plans to begin studying psychology and psychotherapy at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz. His personal life has also taken a new direction. Today, Ino lives with his partner in a happy, stable relationship and in their own apartment. Looking back, he says, “Where I started and where I am now—it’s pretty amazing,” and adds, “I may be just one story among many, but it’s also one that’s meant to show that anything is possible and that every person has the chance, in their own way, to forge their own path. Maybe not perfectly, but exactly as it should be.” (hk; Photos: evim/Tamara Jung-König)
Inayat Panah:
“I don’t want to be seen as just a sad story. I’m so much more than that.
Yes, there were times when it felt as though that was all that was left of me. But today I see myself differently—not as someone to whom something simply happened, but as someone who has learned to deal with what happened. As someone who has grown from it.
I’ve faced my greatest fears—those from my childhood and also those that have lingered to this day. And I can feel myself, bit by bit, becoming the person I want to be. Maybe even the person my younger self would look up to today.
I know this isn’t the end. It’s a process. But I also know there’s so much more within me.
I am one story among many. But also one that can show that anything is possible. That you don’t have to stay where you came from. And that every person has the chance, in their own way, to forge their own path. Maybe not perfectly—but just right.”
Esther Saul and Moritz Biesel, EVIM Supported Living:
“Ino is a young care leaver whom we, like many others, are helping to transition into life. There’s no option to return home, which some families might have. They have to navigate independent living and make use of available resources. Even though youth welfare services have ended as a service provider, we strive to be one of those many resources and remain available to help.”